It has been such a rough day for me these couple of days. I can't really know which way to go. My heart was such a mess. And it still is. Until today. I don't know where to start or even know what went wrong. Some nights I can't hold my tears, and some night I just couldn't care less about it anymore. My self-esteem is very low. The feeling is just there. Wherever I go, whatever I do, the feelings of being insecure is just there. Oh Ya Allah :(
It was broken into pieces and I was finding all back the pieces alone. Every morning I will fake a smile and act like things were fine. I pretended like it was okay. Like I was the happiest person in this world. Because I don't have any words to tell whenever they asked "What's wrong?" "Are you okay?". I wish I could just cry, cause a hug from a friend is what I really need right now. But NO, instead, I smile and said everything is fine. I lied to myself.
I believe, the more I pray, the more Allah will make me feel safe. Even if these diseases can't be cured, as long as I have Allah, I will be fine. Isn't? InsyaAllah. Hopefully I can change myself in few years to come. To be a better me for Allah is always with me. Amin :) :)
Duhai hati -- bila cemburu, bila rindu, bila sedih kehilangan sesuatu, ucaplah “Ma Fi Qalbi Ghairullah (Tiada di hati ku melainkan Allah)".